There's no doubt about it: Time-outs work?? Sort of………
What is a time out? Time-out is a term for a form of punishment that involves temporarily separating a child from an environment where inappropriate behavior has occurred, and is intended to decrease positive reinforcement of the behavior. It is an educational and parenting technique recommended by some pediatricians and developmental psychologists as an effective form of child discipline. Often a corner (hence the common term corner time) or a similar space where the child is to stand or sit during time-outs is designated.
Forms of “Time-Out” in the Preschool Classroom
• Sending a child to sit in a chair, alone, that is designated as the “time-out” chair
• Sending child to a table to sit alone during circle
• Sending child to sit somewhere alone on playground
They work because unless a child has become hardened and aloof, the experience of being separated from the group’s comforting presence is unpleasant at best and intolerable at worst. But they come at a price, and eventually they stop working — because they violate one of the three primary drives of a child's brain: the need for close and secure attachment.
Children need a secure attachment
Children are wired to be closely connected to their caretakers. Attachment is vital to their survival and well-being. Unlike the young of other mammals, little humans are utterly dependent on their guardians to provide food, warmth, shelter and nurturing. We simply cannot survive without being connected to those who care for us.
When a misbehaving child is sent “away” to "think about" their offense, the only thing they're really thinking about is either how soon they can get back to the group or how bored they actually might be. The former response is what we initially see in a younger child whose experience of anxiety at being separated from the group shoots through the roof. The latter response — Boredom!
Why time-outs don't work - The problems with time-outs are numerous. First, at the very time when the angry or misbehaving child is out of control and in need of the calming influence of a caring person, they're left to settle down entirely on their own. Most children are incapable of doing this. They need an adult to help them come back to themselves when they're swept up in the storm of their emotions. A child whose behavior has been so impulsive or destructive as to warrant being sent away shouldn't be left to his own devices to become centered again.
Sending a child away when they're distressed is essentially saying to them, "I can't handle you when you show this side of yourself. Come back when you can be the manageable Susie or Johnny that I can handle." Not only are we telling the child that we only find the good, compliant version of them acceptable, we're also declaring our inability to cope with all of who they are.
A child deeply needs their parent and teachers to function as the confident captain of the ship in their life. When a teacher sends a child away because they can't handle their misbehavior, they're effectively telling them that they (the child) have the power to render them (the teacher) incompetent and helpless.
Time-outs increase separation anxiety
One of the characteristics seen in children whose parents routinely use time-outs is clinginess. Unless (or until) these kids become hardened and indifferent, they handle separation badly. While it usually works to tell a child who refuses to leave the park, "OK, then, I’m leaving without you!" (Most kids will indeed come running), the anxiety created by chronically threatening a child with separation damages their core sense of security and connection.
What can you do?
When a teacher functions as the captain of the ship in their classroom, there's a natural dynamic at play that makes time-outs largely unnecessary. Sure, there are always times when our kids are moody, hungry, sleep deprived or running on empty, but if we do our best to anticipate problems before they manifest, we can usually avoid behavior getting out of hand.
For all practical purposes, time-outs are the equivalent of shunning a child. In most societies, shunning is considered the most dreadful form of punishment. When we instead manage a child's misbehavior while preserving their sense of connection with us, we avoid the harmful effects of time-outs — which in the long run, create more problems than they solve.
• Redirect – help child find something interesting to do
• Ask the child to help with an adult task – set up lunch, reset the shelves
• Help two children solve their issues – use peace education language – give them the language to use so they can start to solve problems on their own without the adult – very powerful
• Implement a Peace Table
• Have child “hold your pocket”
We will be discussing for one of the most effective ways of “Time out – Would you like to Hold my Pocket” in our next edition of the blog. Stay Tuned!!
Colleen Noll
Executive Director of Calaveras, Crescent and Main Street Montessori Schools all located in Milpitas, Ca. Colleen is a formally trained AMS Montessori Teacher and worked in Montessori Education since 1992. She personally oversees the 3 Montessori Schools, which serves Infants through Kindergarten age. For over 13 years, her Motto has been "Children First, Always".
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